Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Who will Show up at the Mic.?

This is year two of homeschooling my oldest daughter. She went to public school from kindergarten though 3rd grade. I was never one to believe that I would or could actually take on the daunting task of educating my children. I barely completed school myself. School was never my strong suit. But for several years I seemed to be feeling pulled to the calling of homeschool. When I finally obeyed the call, it was time for some major research. What curriculum would we use, what social groups would we belong too, how would we structure our day? I had so many questions and presently learned that the resources available were unlimited. We had so many wonderful opportunities to choose from. Our first year, was how would you say, quite the learning experience. Everything was so strange and new. We both had to learn each other and figure out this thing called homeschool. I will not lie, there were many tears that first year. However, we persevered successfully, and went for round number two. Two weeks before the beginning of 5th grade, I was lead to a wonderful program called Classical Conversations. Teaching classically was a brand new concept for me, but fit to our beliefs and thinking perfectly. I knew that this would be the best fit for my daughter's education and my teaching style. Not only did I choose to begin this new program with very little time to prepare before school began, but I also accepted a teaching position with this co-op, to teach 4th-6th grade English Language and Writing. What was I thinking??? Seriously, had I totally lost my mind? None-the-less, I felt lead to accept, and had a strange sense that this job was especially for me. I had accepted to teach a class that parents pay good money for their children to take. I knew little to nothing about the program, and I had two weeks to be ready. I was afraid! Have you ever stepped out on faith, pursueing a calling beyond your capabilities? Is their a dream in your heart that you have been too afraid to pursue. Do you ever wrestle with feelings of inadequacy,or the idea that you do not have what it takes to do the job? I think everyone has this struggle at times. The week before class would begin I decided to join in on a parent meeting of a nearby co-op of the same class. As the teacher began her meeting, she listed off her credentials to the parents. Well, she said, " I have tutored middle and high school English for the past five years, Prior to that I taught High School English for twelve years." so I am assuming she is highly educated in the subject not to mention well experienced. My thoughts were racing my head was spinning. All I could think was, "I don't have what it takes, all I have is a desire to teach my daughter and a calling on my life to speak and write."That just did not seem to be enough. I left the meeting feeling beat down and overwhelmed. Once I arrived to my car, I took a moment and prayed, really not expecting God to show up so quickly. "God, surely I did not hear you right. Can I do this? Do YOU want me to teach this class? I am afraid!" I reached over and started the engine and began to make my way home in the silence, trying to hear God's still small voice speak to me. And all I got was SILENCE. Half way home, I turned up the radio to try and drown out my fear. I was greeted with a man telling a story of a young boy who suffered with Panic/Anxiety disorders. When this young boy was 13 years old he was called to serve those that are slaves around the world. He gathered all his loose change around his house and went to his school and church and had them do the same. One year later, he had a growing ministry called "Loose Change to Loose Chains." When he was fifteen he was asked to speak at a David Crowder concert on behalf of his ministry. As he stood there in the crowd and all the hype and excitement, his time to speak was growing closer. He began to feel sick and panic debilitated him. He looked at his mother and said, "I can't do this." She simply said, "You don't have too." Her response made him realize that he did. He stepped up to the microphone and spoke on behalf of his ministry. Successfully, I might add. When he joined his mom again, he told her "I believed in a cause greater then my fear and God showed up at the microphone." With that, I pulled into my driveway and turned off the car. Then I heard God's still small voice, his answer to my prayer. "I know where you are my sweet, I love you. Believe in something greater then your fear and trust me to show up at your microphone." My fear suddenly turned into faith, and faith does great things. What are you afraid of ? There is something greater. Who is showing up at your mic.?

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14: 27

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I love your God stories... You are such a inspiration to me... God is always there to get you through everything... love ya sista...